My Personal History
My existence was
always at hand but developed in a place filled with godlike love and angelic warmth.
I hardly remember it, but every time I hear angelic music, go to church and
feel the spirit, see the majestic ocean waves rolling in on the sands of the
sea, watch a butterfly flutter close, or listen to a rushing waterfall…I begin to
remember that I was a royal daughter of a God who had eyes similar to the rapid
power of fire but enveloped its gentle warmth at the same time. He loved me, of
that I am certain for I feel such a keenness to be with him again, even though
I do not remember him. He sent me to a place filled with trials and harsh
challenges so that I could grow, but he sent me two people who would help me
start my journey of learning, very lovingly. It started like this, “Dear Baby,
I love you so much already. Both daddy and I do. We found out on January 20,
1992 that we were pregnant with you. We have been waiting for you to come to
our family and are extremely excited and elated to have you at this moment
growing in my tummy.” …The day my mom found out she was pregnant; she went to
my dad to tell him and right as she was on the brink of telling him…she broke
down sobbing. My dad smiles every time he remembers this story. She was just so
happy that she couldn’t help it. I was later born on September 21, 1992 in
Bannock, Pocatello Idaho at the Bannock hospital up on the hill, to Arthur and
Rebecca Silva. My theme song is the 21st night of September by Earth
Wind and Fire…for obvious reasons. I was named Emily Ann after my grandmother Audrey Ann Rubel. I was
particularly named after her because my parents wanted me to be just like her
and have her dedication to the gospel. She has always been such a phenomenal example
to me from day one, and I hope that I can be as strong a woman as she is when I
am her age.
I was born small
with brown hair already piled onto my head. For the first three years of my
life it was me, mommy and daddy. Since I was the first baby, I was extremely
spoiled. Besides my parents, Grandma and Grandpa Jones, Aunt Bethany, Uncle
Steven, and my cousins “the boys,” would play with me and buy me new toys and
clothes…because, I was the first girl. As my mom was going to Dental Hygiene
school and my dad was pursuing his master’s degree, I would often be left with
my Grandma and Uncle Steven at grandma’s house. Mom would come and pick me up
on her days that ended early and then dad would pick me up when he would get
off early. On one occasion, my dad had picked me up early and my mom had gotten
off late. As she was walking from her car to the house, my dad put me up in the
window so my mom could see me. As soon as I recognized my mom, my legs would
start moving and I would smile and start laughing. Unfortunately, my mom was
watching me and not the black ice under her feet. We ended up in the hospital
that night checking for a concussion. We also spent a lot of time at the
hospital when my parents found out I had jaundice. My parents ended up taking
the equipment home and my dad would put me on his feet and stick me under the
lights so that the yellow tint to my skin would dissipate. They would play the
soundtrack to Somewhere in Time or…turn the vacuum on. For some odd reason
those were the only things that would calm me down. Till this day, I still love those
sounds. When my mom vacuums, I swear it’s the best sleep medicine. Who needs
Tylenol PM? And Somewhere in Time is now my favorite piano piece to play. When
I first learned it, I played it over and over and over again. Funny, how little
memories from the start continue to grow. Even as I look into the future, I
still think that eons from now I will enjoy those little moments. I love
watching our family-made videos of my first couple of years because my mother
was so obsessed with making my first holidays worth remembering. Even though I
have no recollection of those days, I have re-watched the video tapes until it
seems I actually remember those times.
My mom would
hide eggs all over the house for Easter and dress me up in my Easter dress and
then personally take me all over the house to find the eggs…even though I
wasn’t old enough to hold my head up yet. Mom was always there and my dad loves
telling me of how she ooed and awed for me since I couldn’t yet with every single
Easter egg “I found”, every Christmas present, and every birthday cake. My
mother, years later wrote to me of my birth saying, “I got this baby journal
out, and it brought back so many wonderful memories. I have read over and over
again how I loved you. Well, my feelings are the same. I am still so very happy
to have you in our home and my love has only deepened. In the blessing your dad
gave me so long ago, he said he felt you would bring me much happiness and
love. You certainly have done that. It is an honor to be your mother. You are a
good example to dad and I and you give me strength daily. Sometimes I wish I
could just be your friend and not have such a huge responsibility to teach you
the right way to live. But I think we
are getting used to me being your mom first and friend second. I pray you will
stay close to your Heavenly Father in prayer. Choosing the right will bring you
true and lasting happiness. I look forward to the years ahead and am glad to
know we not only have this life, but the eternities to continue our
relationship. Love, Mom.” Ever since I can remember, my mom and I have always
been close. Both my parents are my
best friends though. I was born into a wonderful family and have always felt so
extremely blessed to be where I am today. With the additions of my two little
other best friends, Austin and Brooke, who were born 3-7 years after I was, we
were and are still a very happy, little family. Austin was born November 28,
1995 and we became best buddies. When Austin was born, I remember Uncle Steven
and Grandpa took me to McDonalds while mom was delivering, as I was only 3 at
the time. For some reason I remember them buying me stickers. Anyway, as we got
to the hospital, my dad picked me up and asked if I wanted to see my little
brother. I really did! -Until I saw him. He was so ugly and covered in
something gross. I shrunk into my dad’s shoulder and couldn’t bring myself to
look anymore.
However Austin
and I became best friends and we are still extremely close today. We have now
traveled the world together and share some of the same passions about life. My
dad swears that we must have been best friends in the premortal life. Austin
and I (as he grew older) would create plays for our parents and did everything together
when he joined our family. I remember one of our plays very distinctively, in
which we even got our parents to help out with. Mom and Dad would take turns
filming, while the rest of us would act it out. We wanted to do
The 3 Little Pigs, but there was only me and Austin and we didn’t have a wolf
mask for the big bad wolf. So…of course, we changed the title to “The 2 little
pigs and the big bad gorilla.” (We owned a very nice gorilla mask) In the end,
the 2 little piggies conquer by killing the big bad gorilla (dad) by running
over him with their Barbie jeep. We would also sing and dance to the record
player, listening to Nat King Cole, various Mariachi Bands, Donny and Marie,
Gilbert O’Sullivan, and even Dance of the Macabre by a symphony orchestra. (We
had a broad taste) The Dance of the Macabre is a song about the dead rising
from their graves only once a night, so of course me and Austin would hide
behind the couch and then rise up and fly around the house until the sun went
down. We used to have so much fun pretending together. Five years later, Brooke
joined us on June 26, 2000…our millennium baby. Brooke is the artist of the
family…I draw the stick figures.
When my parents
told me that they were going to have a girl, I shouted the news to the sky and
my little brother hung his head. But we actually both got what we wanted
because Brooke turned out to be quite the Tom Boy. Austin got his brother type
figure and I got somewhat of a sister. Actually, Brooke and I are very close
and ever since I can remember, Brooke has been there to smile and hug me when
I’m struggling or having a bad day. When I left to college it was hard on both
of us, especially since we shared a room and slept next to each other. As
siblings, even separated in age, by eight years, we had so much fun being
together. We still do. I have a very special connection to my siblings and not
only Austin, but I suspect that all 3 of us knew each other well before this life. I have always felt a
little emptiness in our “siblingship” however. My mother lost a baby through a
miscarriage and I fervently believe that there may have been four of us who
were meant to come into my parent’s lives. However, we must wait to greet our
other sibling again until the next life. My schooling was always a huge part of my life
and was done on “the wrong side of the river.” I was born in Bannock, but moved
to our little white house when I was one, and then we moved into our blue home
in the Minidoka area.
We became a part
of the Paul 1st ward there and when they found out that my dad was
teaching at Burley High instead of Minico, we were promptly informed that we
were definitely traitors and on the wrong side. However, as I grew up and went
to school across the river, I learned to love it. I became a Burley girl and I
always will be at heart. I actually started my education with preschool at
Lorraine’s Day Care. Some of my earliest memories are when my mom would drop me
off and I would watch her leave. I can still remember the exact same feeling of
dread and utter despair, I know it sounds cliché, but as a child it was such a
traumatizing experience for me. I hated being left there, even though I loved playing
with the children and the way the ladies would play with my hair, or when I
would help the cook, Debbie make grilled cheese sandwiches. Funny what I
remember. It was a great place…but I loved being with my mom much more. I
started kindergarten at Mountain View Elementary with Mrs. Walquist, who was
always had a bubbly laugh. She taught me my colors, numbers, and not to stab
pencils into other kids heads. I then moved on to 1st grade within
the same school with Mrs. Morgan. I remember her as one of my most
favorite teachers because of the way she would smile and I could tell, even as
a 6 year old, that she loved her students very much. Even as I grew older, I
would still continue to receive letters from her and even received one for my
recent graduation. We still remain friends. In the general order of things,
next comes the 2nd grade. This time, I had TWO teachers, Mrs.
Whitaker and Mrs. Peterson who taught the same class together. I can still
remember being taught my times tables by Mrs. Peterson because she would do it
upside down and would point her pen on the numbers…I loved the sound of her
voice so much, that that is probably the reason why I’m not so fond of math
today…I didn’t pay attention to the numbers. Mrs. Whitaker taught me how to
tell time and she used this little picture and would call on the kids for the
answers.
I used to get scared she would call on me
because I was scared I would say the wrong thing, but she was always so patient
that I have no idea why I was really scared. As I went on to third grade I met
my favorite elementary school teacher ever. Her name was Linda Turner and she
taught me so much. I remember actually learning to love learning because of
her. We would always do so many fun projects. She taught me what patriotism was
at such a young age too. She would have us read the Declaration of Independence
and then memorize it for Tootsie Pops. I will do anything for candy. After
moving from Mountain View Elementary to White Pine Intermediate, I began the 4th
grade with Mrs. Gebhart, and for some reason the only thing I can really
remember about her, was that her husband’s name was Kevin. I started 5th
grade with my addicted to Coke, teacher, Mrs. Bedke who
was an older lady who seemed very outspoken to me...probably because of the
caffeine. She was kind of intimidating, but I liked her. When I started 6th
grade I had two teachers again, who inspired me to be better. Ms. Dustin was
the sweetest lady in the world and was very patient and kind to me…and my other
teacher Mrs. Beaus is still someone who I will occasionally see around my
hometown and we both recognize each other and love to chat. I recollect that
she would give me a can of pop if I got a hundred on my reading or math test,
and that I believe, is what sparked my interest in doing well in school. …There
were rewards for doing well…and they tasted sweet.
I remember having a social studies teacher
too, named Ms. Belliston. She taught me all about Canada and its provinces. She
taught strict and had a lisp, but I enjoyed learning because I sensed that she
knew and understood what she was teaching, and therefore it was worth listening
to. Junior High was a different story of course. I had to learn to start
growing up a little. I had multiple teachers who I hardly remember and it
became a challenge to find out who I was and who my friends were. That point in
time is so critical for every adolescent. It was hard at times, especially with
my physical problems with my knees, but I started to mature because of it. When
I began Cheerleading, I believed that I was now on top of the world. The Lord
knew exactly how to humble me and I changed so significantly that year, that I
shudder to think of what kind of a person I would have continued to have been,
if the Lord had not chastened me. I thought I was so cool and felt myself in no
need of a testimony. As I look back, I can hardly remember what my mind was trying to develop into. Satan
knew that I could be damaged young, and took something as simple as making the
cheerleading team, to change my attitude for the worse. Halfway into school, I found myself in the doctor’s office and my so called “friends” on the
cheerleading team calling me a fake. What horrible memories I have of those
months. I had done nothing wrong and I truly liked being on the squad, so why
would I fake being hurt? Could they not see how I limped everywhere, and thought
how I was scheduled for an upcoming surgery was simply a continuation of my phoniness? Of
course, they were learning too, and Junior High can be a harsh environment at
times.
Those same girls
became good friends of mine as we graduated our Senior year, but at the time, I
thought my world was ending then. This point in my life, is where I began to realize
the importance of a Father’s blessing. The power of the priesthood is what
brought my testimony back into my heart and changed it for the better. I would
wake up in the morning feeling new and refreshed and knew that I was a beloved
daughter of a Heavenly Father who controlled the universe. I am sure that every
time I woke up and started my day, that Satan would cry, “Oh, Crap…she’s up.” I
know wanted to be an example of light to the world because I saw how much love
my Father in Heaven had for me and I wanted to be just like him. I began to see
how blessed I was. “There are none so impoverished, as those who do not
recognize the abundance of their own lives.” This is what spurred my love of
writing. I wanted to write down everything I learned and everything that the
Lord had given me, in which I was so grateful for. I began writing journals at
a young age because my mom advised me to write down the proceedings of my life as well, also since it was
urged by the prophet to do so and as it would be fun to look back and be able
to cherish the memories. I am so glad I did. I began my first journal at six
years old and named him ‘Larry.’ I would begin every entry with Dear Larry.
…“Dear Larry (I wrote during school)… today isn’t so exciting but it’s alright.
I’m learning lots in school and having fun at recess. I love reading and most
of my time, that’s all I’ve been doing, is read, read, and read.” I even wrote
Larry poems like, “I’m not choosy about yellow or blue, flowers of any color
will do.” Or, “An average boring day in July can change when lightning streaks
the sky.” I always had quite the little imagination. In one of my entries, I
had a significant and traumatizing experience at such a young age too
unfortunately. It was the 3rd of July and my family and I were
leaving an early firework show and while walking up the hill I witnessed a
little girl being hit while crossing the road by a drunk driver.
What I witnessed
that day was extremely hard as a young teenager to deal with. I started to grow
up a little more because of this. “Lately I feel as if I’m discovering a new
person inside of myself. It’s no longer the little girl who could laugh and
forget life’s troubles. I get so confused between the two of them…the girl and
the woman. The only comfort is, no matter which one, I’m still a daughter of
God. That’s knowledge that I cannot rid myself of, even if I wanted to. I was
taught my entire life about the gospel and how to pray and to go to church, but
I think even my own personal testimony started out young. It has continued to
grow but at age 7, I started to write things to myself like, “For the hard
times…keep the faith, obey, say your prayers and trust God.” I remember very clearly the first time that I
really felt the spirit. I was at home and it was a Sunday. Of course, mom would
only let us watch church movies on Sunday so I found a cartoon about Jesus
coming to the Americas. What a simple cartoon witnessed to me that day, will
forever reside in my heart. I cried and did not fully understand why I was
crying but I felt something…something different. I again felt that same feeling
when I turned eight and was baptized on September 30, 2000.
After I had been
baptized by my father, mom came into the dressing room to help me change and I could
not stop smiling and telling her how happy I was. I kept repeating that I felt
so warm and happy and danced about the Paul Stake Center the rest of the
afternoon. I remember being confirmed and feeling such a special feeling that
would always reside in my heart afterwards. I would continue to grow
spiritually, especially when I started seminary. After enduring those awkward
junior high school years that were extremely painful for me, as both my ACL’s
were torn, I had learned to focus on the Lord. It is so true when they say that
trials bring you closer to God. When my body would not work the way it was
supposed to I found out that surgery was the only option for me. It was very
difficult but I knew that if anyone understood, the Lord did. Then, high school
classes began to start, as did my seminary classes as well, where I grew substantially.
I wrote in my seminary journal, “Some of the blessings I have received from
scripture study: is the gift of knowledge, the presence of the Holy Ghost,
becoming closer to my Father in Heaven, and becoming surer of myself.” One of my favorite letters that
I received from a young women activity is quoted like this, “Dear Emily, I
remember the day well, when you left my
side, wandered through the veil, and ventured forth to fulfill your earthly
mission. I had a tear in my eye when I clothed your spirit in a cloak of love
and sent you off to school. Be assured that my thoughts are with you now, as
always. I love you with all my heart. I know of your life, the good and the
bad, your grief, your disappointments, your unrewarded efforts, your
frustrations and temptations, but always remember…all I have is yours if you
will come home again. I realize that in you I placed a bit of heaven, no one
was exempt. I love you. You have some blessed gift, some talent…some small part
of me in you. Reach for it, develop it, use it, but most importantly share it
with others. If you really love me, help others to find themselves and lead
them to me. Show your love by serving others. Repent of your failings and
humble yourself. Make yourself ever teachable and continually strive to
improve. I gave you weaknesses to help you be humble. Be full of hope, don’t
let discouragement engulf you. I will come if you need me.
You need to
remember to cease your idle contentions. I know it’s hard. Be a peacemaker, it
breaks my heart to see so many of my children fighting. If they could only see
what I have hoped, planned and desired for them. But you my faithful child are
my hope. It is through you that my work must proceed. You haven’t much time and
there is so much to be done. I beg you to get started. Accomplish the mission I
gave you before you left me, I’ll help you. I’m never too busy or too far away
to come to you. I’m nearer to you always than you might suspect, I have so much
I’d like to tell you and I know you long for knowledge, but I can’t as of now.
Come to me often in prayer, I love to talk to you. Be diligent in my work, and my
kingdom shall be yours. I’d love to take you in my arms, but I too must wait patiently…that
time will come. Till then, I leave you with my peace, my blessing, my love and
never forget I am nearby if you need me. Have faith in me as I have in you. I
love you and miss you so very much, and I am looking forward to your return
again, to me and your mother. With all my love…your Heavenly Father.” I
absolutely loved this letter and still to this day will read it over and over
again and it brightens up my day immediately…and strengthens my testimony
during the hard times. I have struggled at times to keep the faith, but I
remember as I read through my journals, when my faith was once strong, and how
it can be again.
“I belong to God. As his daughter, I have
direct access to the Father of the Universe, day or night. Out of that
unfathomable love, a Savior was sent to me. The Lord told Enos, “I will grant
unto thee according to thy desires, because of thy faith.” The answers to
prayers come through acts of service…because that opens the windows of heaven.
Become the answer to someone else’s prayer and you will find your own answer
too.” When I was 15, I finally decided that it was time to receive my
Patriarchal Blessing. Patriarch Duane Hunt gave me my Patriarchal Blessing on
October 7, 2007. The blessing significantly changed the way I thought and
viewed my life. I couldn’t help but see the world a little bit different,
however not everything changed all at once. Over time, my blessing has come to
my mind through different challenges throughout various aspects of my life here
on this earth. It is very hard to just sum up my blessing without actually
quoting it, but because of those potent words from my blessing, I feel like I
owe so much to my Father in Heaven. I feel as
if I need to start now to prepare to be a righteous mother and a good wife.
Because of my blessing, I want so desperately to make it back to my Father in
Heaven. I know that there are great blessings in store for me if I remain close
to my Father. Being from the tribe of Ephraim, I know that there are many great
blessings in store for me in that retrospect as well, if I keep the faith. How
important it is to be a missionary. A physiatrist friend in my ward once told
me that as he interviewed young men and women of the church who were diagnosed
with ADHD, he found that most were of the tribe of Ephraim. How curious,
because even though I am not diagnosed with a severe form of a mental illness,
I can hardly sit still at times when I am church. I would rather be out
preaching the gospel with full force, with angels at my side at that moment.
There is just so much to do in this world before the second coming. I will
forever treasure my Patriarchal Blessing and it is such an important part of me
now. It is an actual piece of me.
My Abuela Silva
on my father’s side wrote me about my 16th birthday, a little after
this same time and said, “I know that you have looked forward for this birthday
with a lot of excitement. Well, I will tell you that I have been looking
forward to it also since you were very little. One of the reasons I have been looking
forward to this day, is because your father brought me a jewelry box from
Brazil when he was there serving his mission. When you were born and I saw you
for the first time, I decided that jewelry box would be yours. I have waited
anxiously for your 16th birthday. The years have gone by very fast
even though you might not think so. Inside you will find some jewelry. They
were all gifts to me from your grandfather.
It has been a very precious thing to me, now I pass it on to you. Thank you for
the happiness and fond memories you have brought to my life. Your grandma loves
you very much...Grandma Silva.” As I read this I thought of how my grandmother,
when I first visited Mexico as a child, would play tea set with me. How I loved
my grandma! She had always been a part of my life along with grandpa and is
still to this day. Also about this time of my 16th birthday, my
grandparents on my mother’s side left on a mission to Georgia and we wrote
letters to each other every week. I realized how much love I had from my
extended family and how much love I had for them as well. This is where my
testimony of families began to grow, but also of missionary work.
My grandmother (Audrey
Ann) once wrote me, “Dear Emily Ann, thank you for all your letters, they put a
smile on our faces every time we read them. Good luck in school, I know you’ll
do great. We miss you so much but it will only be a few more months and we’ll
be home. Don’t grow up too much while we are gone- I want my Emy Ann when we
come home….We are keeping really busy. We do a lot of teaching and we love to
do that. It is always nice to have a good companion like your grandpa. He has a
wonderful testimony and is such a good teacher. I am better at getting to know
the people and asking questions. It really strengthens our testimonies to teach
the gospel and I am so glad we have had this experience. It seems I learn
something new every day.” My cousin Chazz also left to serve the people of the
Farmington, New Mexico mission, and wrote me, “I can’t tell you how rejoiced I
am. This is why I am out serving and its working!” Chazz is such an important
part of my family tree. I am so proud of him and the work he is doing. I want to be next in line for a
mission on the Silva side. Family and Missionary work began to weigh on my mind
and its importance to the Plan of Salvation. I started to form this foundation
of a possibility in serving the Lord by going on a mission someday if the right
time came and to continue to help my family relationships grow. I continued to
progress in school, and I found some of my talents. I realized how much I loved
to sing and dance! I sang in church often and would sing the National Anthem at
assemblies, or I would audition for plays like High School Musical: On Stage,
West Side Story, Kiss Me Kate, The King and I, Dracula, and others. I also had
been clogging since I was two, but as I started to move away from the simple
competitions at Lagoon or Ricks College University (where I would later attend),
I moved to the traveling team, and found that dance was more than just a hobby.
I found a passion. I began to travel. I wrote in another of my journals, “I
think one of my greatest accomplishments at present was working hard and saving
up every month for a trip to Spain and Portugal, which isn’t cheap. It took me
over a year of planning and getting up early for dance rehearsals. Not to
mention staring at a computer screen for 8-9 hours straight at work every day.
All of this was
worth it in the end when I stood in front of the Vasco de Gama Cathedral or
made new Spanish Amigos, took a boat ride on the Guillpihares, Porto River, or
seeing castles from 1000 B.C. and the traditional bull fights in their arenas.
Work definitely pays off.” I wrote in my journal of my experiences and a few of
the things I wrote were: “Currently, I am flying over Ireland on a very long
plane ride. We are almost to Amsterdam where we will board another plane to
Lisbon. I took a sleeping pill and all my tour team buddies
were amazed I could sleep so long. I am surprised by how fast this flight has
gone compared to Poland on my last trip. Austin just told me has been asleep
too. I guess Silvas can luckily sleep well on planes. My group back here on the
plane are so fun and we have been talking and laughing a lot. Right now we are
having our evening snack. Our time change is crazy. It was Sunday yesterday
when we said goodbye to our family and we are now living Sunday all over again.
Living in the past but present too…about to have a lifelong memorable trip.
Thank you to my Heavenly Father.”
“This morning I had a discussion with Alex,
our guide and his Portuguese friend. I gave them two new Book of Mormons and we
talked about the gospel until lunch. I bore my testimony and Austin read Moroni
10:3-5 to them. I encouraged them to pray with a sincere heart and asked them
to read my favorite book. They seemed so interested and there was definitely a
special spirit there. It makes me really want to be a missionary someday. I
feel like I’m already helping to gather in Israel. Going to the beach in a few
minutes on the western part of Teceira today and tomorrow I’m going whale
watching with Natalie and Tito, which should be super fun! I might hit a few
shops sometime today too. Last night was the closest thing to a cure for
homesickness. We went to an American Air Force Base where we performed for
Americans and then had a barbeque! Those hamburgers were like heaven. Just to
hear American English and be in that environment were so nice. We even got to
flush the stinkin toilet paper down the toilet. Hallelujah. I usually don’t get
homesick, but lately I sure have. Last night really helped. I think Heavenly Father knew exactly what I
needed. I have really relied on my Father in Heaven lately. So nice to know
he’s always there. Tired of fleas.” “Amsterdam flight over. Detroit flight
over. Almost home. Now on Salt Lake flight. I called mom and Brooke in Detroit
and they are in Salt Lake waiting for our flight. Actually, I think they’re
shopping right now. We are all on board and are so impatient. Our team is so
restless and our families are only 3 hours away now! It’s been over a month
almost…about 5 weeks. Technically it is Tuesday but we hit several time zones
and so it’s Monday again. Living the same day over again is tiring but
something that not everyone is blessed with doing. It hasn’t gotten dark yet
between the two days because of the time difference…I assume it will be similar
to the second coming. Haha! No night, but two days…kind of confusing once
again. I told mom, that I want Taco Bell when I get home. (P.S. …My knee lasted
all of tour…no coincidence. It must be faith.)”
As I got home
from these countries, I learned that… “I am sincerely missing the people of
Spain and Portugal. -Their smiles especially. I have been emailing the like
crazy. I have been so blessed because many of my new friends have been asking
of the gospel. I have been trying to word things just right so I can explain my
religion to them. I’ve been so worried about their reactions and so I turned to
the scriptures. The first page I opened up to was 2 Nephi: 33. These verses
popped out like Daisies. No coincidence. Verse 1- When a man speaketh by the
power of the Holy Ghost, the power of the Holy Ghost carrieth it unto the
hearts of the children of men. Verse 4- And I know that the Lord God will
consecrate my prayers for he gain of my people. And the words which I have written in weakness…will be
made strong unto them, for it persuadeth them to do good. It persuadeth them to
believe in Jesus and endure to the end, which is life eternal. As my senior
year started, I became nervous when thinking about just how fast my life was
changing. “First day of senior year tomarrow!... So, like usual Dad gave us all
a blessing tonight. I wanted to write down all I remember. I started crying when
Dad told Austin that his family and his sisters looked up to him. -Which I
really do. Even though I’m older, I see him as a very special individual.[The content from this blessing is private and sacred to me so it will not be included within this text.] It was
a very much needed blessing.
The special
thing about tonight through is that Alli was with us. After we were done, Alli
received a blessing from my dad too. I am so grateful for a worthy father. This
simple, tender mercy in my life was one of the sweetest things I have ever been
present for. Alli really needed to hear
counsel from her Heavenly Father. He said that he was very mindful of her
situation and was grieved. It was revealed to her that she would get through
this year with good memories and good friends who would stick by her always. I
intend to. He emphasized she was not alone, and never has been and never will
be. I think starting senior year off will be so much easier for both of us,
especially Alli because of the priesthood.” I also later wrote, “I’ve
discovered a renewed joy and happiness, present in my life. This change simply
comes from regulating scripture study and my prayers morning and night. I’ve
noticed that Heavenly Father has always had a hand in my life but my day goes
by better. I worry about lots of little things but by having a close
relationship with my father, studying his words and paying a full tithe, I’m
being blessed. The windows of heaven are opening. I love it. Lorena, my friend
from Spain, sent me a message saying the missionaries called her finally! I’ve
been working on it for a couple weeks now and the Elder finally got a hold of
her. She is so excited. I pray for her. I’m so proud of Lorena. Also, I found a
good scripture tonight…D&C 29:6…I loved it!”
I learned that a
few of my other passions were old black and white movies with Cary Grant and
Irene Dunne, or songs sung by Nat King Cole, Mel Torme, Dean Martin, Bing
Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Michael Bublé. I liked the Jazz standards, I liked
the 40’s era, I liked history like my dad, and I still loved to read
(especially Jane Austen). I seriously have the entire book of Pride and
Prejudice memorized from repetition. I learned I loved culture and languages, I
liked learning to play the piano, I liked acting in community plays, but most
of all I loved the gospel and sharing it, especially while traveling. I loved reading my
patriarchal blessing, I loved scripture study with my family, I loved doing
family history, I loved finding a quiet spot and talking to my Father above and
I loved getting into deep discussions of the gospel. This is how I found one of
my best friends. I met Alli as a freshman in high school and we became friends.
We became close friends after our first deep talk of the gospel a year later. Our
friendship developed over time. We both realized that we had a lot in common
and that we both felt the same about how quick this life was and that we both
had a mission to accomplish while here. We strengthened each other’s
testimonies.
She once wrote
me, “Em, I don’t even know where to begin…you are different from anyone I’ve
ever met before. And yet, somehow there’s something distinctly familiar about
you. Maybe it’s in the way your eyes laugh or maybe it has something to do with
the warmth of your heart. Whatever it is, it’s the reflection of your beautiful
soul…I’ve never known anyone who understands or cares the way you do. I’ve been
through changes this year, both good and bad. I’ve really come to appreciate
people like you who keep laughter, love, and hope alive. You have a great gift
Em, and that gift is yourself. I’d like to thank you for choosing to share your
gift with me, and although no one person can change the world completely, I
want you to know that you have made a significant difference in my life.” Alli
was always such a true friend and we had so many inside jokes increased every
time we were with each other. Along with spending time with Alli and making
more friends and more high school memories, I began to think of the future.
Because of my love for literature, I found a book titled “The Sunflower” and it
changed the way I thought about life
initially. The book was about a young woman who traveled to Peru and found a
new life because of the humanitarian work she was able to do while there. I
later wrote because of the story, “I would like to live in a little hut in Peru
in the middle of the Amazon Rainforest and learn from the native Amazonian
tribes. I probably won’t get a bone through my nose like them though.” I may
have been slightly kidding when I wrote this, but because of “El Girasol,” I
decided that humanitarian work was now my middle name. My parents thought I was
crazy. I come from a Hispanic heritage and both my grandparents and my parents
speak Spanish, but I was never taught it completely. I grew up with an influence
of it but fluent wise, never learned. So, since it was now my destiny to move
to Peru, I decided I must learn it…when I set my mind to something, and if I
want it fiercely, then I will accomplish it. :) In some way or another.
I finally
graduated Burley High School with these words still ringing in my ear, “Emily
Ann Silva has satisfactorily completed a course of study prescribed for
graduation from this school and is therefore awarded this diploma given this
twenty-six day of May, two thousand and eleven.” After a long good sleep, I finally
feel like writing. Graduation was a blast! We did a flash mob to “I gotta
feeling” in the middle of the ceremony. It was so fun surprising everyone, and
especially my family. I have felt very loved and extremely blessed this week. I
have received generous gifts and amounts of money to help with college as well
as heart-felt cards. I love my ward and friends. I love my family so much which
makes me grateful for the covenants my family has made in keeping us together
forever. The Lord has been good to me and has received my crust and paid me back with a loaf. …More like five
loaves. I am a little nervous about the future, because I have so much to learn
still. I hope I can be patient with myself because I know the Lord will. He
never changes. He is perfect and I know he loves me. I sincerely hope that he
helps me with pride and selfishness. I will continue to strive to choose the
right, I love the Lord and his lessons for me. Graduation and the grad party
are over and I have my California trip next week, but then what? -Work,
institute, and then move down to BYU-Idaho. But those are big changes and I’m
scared for them. I need the Lord to hold my hand and walk me through this, even
though I feel blind. If only I could hie to Kolob right now. I need some
heart-knowledge, not head knowledge at the moment.” I wasn’t completely
satisfied yet…I had more to learn and more to become.
Because of this decision, I am now majoring in
International Studies: Political Science with a minor in Spanish and will be
studying abroad next semester in Guatemala, Belize and Mexico. Peru is still on
the list…don’t worry. I am also considering a mission, but am finishing as much
school as I can in the process before. I have learned so much since I have
begun my life here on this earth, and still have much to learn. But, this I do
know…that whatever the Lord wants for me, I will sacrifice whatever my dreams
may be, because I know he knows what is best for me. I know that eternal
families are the most important things that we can be working on while we are
here, so if I need to give up my adventures in South America to become a wife
and a mother, than I will, if that is how the Lord’s timetable needs to work.
As I take my days moment by moment, I reflect on the people and events that
have made me who I am. Most of the credit goes to my parents who were and still are so
extremely loving, that I wonder where all the love comes from. They must harbor
buckets of love. …”Emily, I wanted to give you a gift, something that reminded
us of you from nature. It didn’t take us long to find you a gift from dad and I
that represents the SUN- for you are our sunshine! Dad saw you before you were
born when he gave me a blessing. He said you were smiling- a very happy baby,
and felt strongly that you would bring us much happiness. He was right, (well
the colic had me wondering at first J) I am grateful
your dad is worthy to hold the priesthood and to give our family blessings. We
are so blessed to have this in our lives. We love you very much Emily and are
very proud of the good life you are leading. Stay close to Heavenly Father;
pray often, he loves you so much. Remember that you are our sunshine and we
give you this bracelet as a reminder of that.”
My father also
wrote me often, and one of the most cherished letters I have is the one I
received on the Trek while in Martins Cove. I still remember how strong the
spirit was as I walked the prairies that my the feet of my ancestors had walked
over a hundred years before me. We walked to Martin’s Cove where many had been
buried by the way and I cried, because I realized how hard it had been for
them. We crossed the Sweet Water Crossing River where those brave men had given
their lives by carrying the company over and over again. As I crossed with my
own feet, in the middle of the summer the water was chilled, and I couldn’t
bear to think how cold it could be in the middle of winter. -Those poor Saints.
I cried a lot on the trip, but was also rejoiced in knowing where they were
now. They had sacrificed so that I could have the gospel in my life and so that I could practice my
religion with freedom and without persecution, like they had so gravely
endured. My father wrote, “By the time you get this letter, you will probably
be hot, tired, dirty and missing home. Well I wish you were home too. It is
never the same when you are not here. Whenever you spend the night at one of
your friends, it feels weird at home. We can all feel your absence and right
now you can bet we are feeling it. Do you still feel like that little girl who
called me up on the phone years ago, and asked with a crying voice to come pick
her up? Well, despite the harshness of the trek I really hope you can feel your
ancestor’s spirits and the faith that it took for them to make the journey. I
don’t tell you often enough but I really do love you and worry about you. Keep
safe, and at night think about your family kneeling by the bedside and know
that we mention you in our prayers. Now go and get a drink of water and stay
hydrated and don’t forget to brush and floss. I love you, Dad.” Funny, but my
mom is the one who is the Dental Hygienist. It is such a comfort to know that
their work is now being completed.
They sacrificed
greatly for me, so I feel such a strong conviction to sacrifice, even though it
may be little, for them by doing their temple ordinances and work. The love
that I have felt from those in my life is so strong that it is not easily
destroyed. It has been such a major influence of my life, that how can I not be
happy? How can I not show love to others? My personal history has molded me
into the being that I am right now. When I show love, it is because I have been
shown love. Now, my job is to make someone else’s life happy and full of love,
just like my own personal history. As I moved to BYU-Idaho and left my
wonderful hometown of Burley, Idaho with the blue peaked mountains in the distant and my little blue house
with the beautiful big backyard, my mother wrote me, “Hey Mija! Remember what
it takes to be a great college student…many things but especially faith. I wish
my faith were as strong as yours sometimes. Thanks for letting Heavenly Father
send you to our family. I don’t want to write an overly sentimental letter
though. However, I could easily do so. I mainly want you to know how happy you
have made me (dad too) in having you as a daughter. I have faith in you that
you will have a full and rich experience at college. When times are hard,
remember to wear your knees out in prayer- your faith is so bright and shining
and you will find your way. I’m so glad families are eternal! I can’t bear to
think about you leaving-I’ll wait until I have to. Please, don’t forget us. Oh
Em, you are going to have a blast. I love you more than I can say or write,
Mom.” As if I could ever forget my wonderful eternal family! “It’s been several
months since I have been at college now. They have been extremely busy ones and
difficult ones.
I do know
however, that the Lord has blessed me every day, and I have seen his hand in
all things. That doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled or that it hasn’t been tough
though. But, I do know that he has been there through it all…through the long
hours at work standing, through every math test, through every unknown Spanish
phrase and through every tear. I am so grateful to him. I’m grateful to my
roomies, for my family who is a phone call away, for the family history I’ve
been working on, for my best friend Alli, for the opportunity to go to the
temple each week. I’m grateful for getting to see my family twice since I’ve
been here. I am grateful for a job. I’m grateful I get to go home for Thanksgiving. I am grateful for my
studies and that through hard work the Lord has made up the rest. I’m grateful
for my teachers, for the knowledge I have gained, for trials, for Idaho, for my
scriptures (especially on a hard day). I am grateful for devotional and for my
calling. I am grateful for food and shelter, for piano and guitar, for singing,
for my future companion and children. And…I am grateful for my Savior, his
sacrifice and for my eternal Father.” I will have so much to tell my Father
when I come back home again. Somehow, even though he knows it all and better
than I do, I think he will listen intently and with great interest in what I
have to say. I will thank him for those trials that would have been impossible
without him and for those who he sent to me during them to help me through. I
don’t remember the sound of his voice but I can almost hear it saying, “Well
done my child, well done.”
But the thing most important to me...
FAMILY.
